found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
