I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
