i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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