I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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