How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
