i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize