my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's like iHOP with fire
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
