I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
