Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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