R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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