He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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