so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
