I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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