I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
