apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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