Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
