Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
