uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
