Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
