3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
