Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize