ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
