Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
