I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
