There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize