halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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