..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
