I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
