im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
