i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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