omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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