the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
