I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
