I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
