I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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