grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
