I want to make a zoo with you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
