No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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