Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize