Do you still have your period?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
