I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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