woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
