proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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