If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
