Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
