About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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