dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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