can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
