Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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