I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
