Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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