Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
