He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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