I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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