i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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