Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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