Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
