don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
