I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
