do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
