You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
