she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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