My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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