yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
