I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You smell like stripper and shame
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize