can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
