So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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