Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
