i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
