Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
