There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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