Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
