i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
