so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
