Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
