Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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