Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
