Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Welp...herpes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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