it's too hot outside to masturbate.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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